I'm not planning to go all Freudian or anything here.

Like many people, I have a very complex yet loving relationship with my mom.  The emphasis is on the love though!  She loves me, and I love her.

Her dislike of my weight stems from the standard fears that my life must be horrible under these layers of flab, that I'm going to keel over the next moment, or that I use my weight to hide from the world.  I've got to admit, she's more worried about my health now, but I can't really blame her I suppose.  I've tried to prove that I'm enjoying life and hiding from nothing.  It's hard when I see her only once or twice a year though!

There was a period of time where my weight did come between us.  I had changed as a person in many ways, and my weight is just the most obvious.  It was easy for her to pick on, and it was easy for me to prickle.  We finally worked past it.  My weight is always a topic for discussion, but it is no longer the main topic of discussion.

She still wished I'd lose weight.

I still wish she'd appreciate that I love my fat.

I never intentionally did anything to bother her though.  I'd usually eat less around her than normal (for me).  I wouldn't wear anything tighter than I normally would.  There were certainly times she didn't approve of what I wore, but I wasn't wearing it for her benefit.

PS, I am planning to write a post about exceeding 500 pounds.  There's so much to talk about, a lot of thoughts, good and bad, to sort through.  I've tried a few times, but I don't have the spare time I'd like.

Okay, I've been busy, still not in the habit of posting.  I'm putting in long hours at work.  The NHL season has started up.  I'm trying my best to catch up on all the movies coming out on DVD that I missed this summer.

Some things might've slipped.  Like I haven't been to the pool in a few weeks.

And I might not be watching what I eat all day every day.

So I might've gained a few pounds.

I'd been telling myself I was losing weight.  I FELT lighter, I FELT smaller.  I told my mom I was losing weight, I told Thomas I was losing weight, I told my friends I was losing weight.  I was even getting excited about losing weight!  I've been about 520 pounds for a week or so.

Or so I thought.

Had a doctor's appointment today, and I'm 541 pounds.

Last time I actually weighed was in August, when I was 535 pounds, so I haven't packed on tonnes or anything.  But I'm still happy with what I have!

Gonna be plenty of wings at the game tonight!

It's going to take me a while to get back in the habit of posting to my diary, that's for sure!

It's been busy, I'm learning a lot from my new team, and I'll be going into the grinder next week. It's exciting, and a little daunting. I know that I'm going to be prepared for it, but I don't know if I'll be READY for it.

People have wondered over the last couple years if my weight has a hindrance to doing my job. A lot of my job involved meeting with various clients face to face. Sometimes at our place, quite often at theirs. Getting to some of their places could certainly be challenging, and nothing gets a meeting off to a sour start like not being able to use any of the chairs I've been invited to use. Even when considering this, I think my weight has been advantageous. When I first meet someone, I make a very distinct impression. They can't help but notice my weight. A lot of the people I meet with are 'progressive', so even though they can't help but notice how fat I was, they take a moment and reassure themselves that my weight has no bearing on my ability. They're so eager to look past my weight that I can slip in a good first impression. Certainly not everyone's like that. I'm sure plenty of people I've done business with go home and tell their friends about the fat lady they saw, but they do do business with me, and that's my goal.

I've been trying to think of something clever to say after 2 years of not posting. I can't really come up with anything, so I'll simply let the post be. I've missed posting quite a lot. It's fun to look back on my life, and it's nice to take time to inventory what's going on. There's a lot I wish I could've posted, and also plenty that I'm glad I didn't have to think about.

I figure there are a few questions that need to be answered, so I'll try that:

1)Why did I stop posting?
I took a job as a corporate officer. As a corporate officer there are many rules to follow, and one is to get board approval for anything I publish, be it a trade article, a TV interview, a letter to the editor, or even a blog post. I don't think my backers would have been too impressed to keep up the blog I had, though I never asked. I loved the opportunity I had, and didn't want to risk it. I'd make the exact same decision again.

1b) So why am I posting now?
I've got a new job! I'm working as an independent auditor, not a corporate officer. I still have a reputation to think of, but no one has any veto power over it.

2)What's my weight up to?
I'm sure this is a bit of a burning question among any fans I might still have. I haven't weighed myself in a few months, but I'm guessing I'm in the range of 520 pounds.

2b) Why no weigh in?
In the spring I had a series of health scares. I don't really want to get into the details here, but suffice it to say, I've chosen to change my lifestyle.

2b) How much weight have I lost?
I've lost about 30 pounds. To save you the math, I was 550 pounds in the spring.

I will post more over time, I'm just dusting off the old blog. If anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to address them.

It's good to be back.

Amy

I've hemmed and hawed about how to do this, I've chosen the short goodbye.

I've accepted a new job, I'm moving out west next week, so this is probably the last chance I'll have to post in my diary. One condition of the new job, unfortunately, is that I cannot maintain a blog. They were very specific about that. While I doubt they know of this one, it seems like a bad reason to lose a great job.

I really am going to miss writing here. As much fun as gaining a pound is, being able to write about it is the icing on the cake. And having people who give you so much positive feedback is the cherry on top (and maybe the nuts too... lol).

As far as I know I'm going to continue to gain weight. I'll be living with Thomas again, and that's certainly our favourite passtime! I don't know how much bigger I'll be getting, but I feel like I've got plenty of room to grow.

I will continue to be online, you can always chat with me on Yahoo: thedvdbabe. You can always email me: thedvdbabe@gmail.com. You can continue to comment here, I will read them.

I'll also make sure I keep Charlotte up to date on my weight. Without her, I wouldn't be fat (and happy), I wouldn't have an online diary, and, if you follow the chain of events, I wouldn't have Thomas, I wouldn't have the fabulous opportunity that I now have.

I'm very excited with the future. I have the man I love. I have a body I love. I have friends that I love, both in real life and in the online world. While I've enjoyed my job, the new one is going to be even better.

I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss this a lot. Hopefully in the future I can come back to it.

Until then, keep an eye out for Char: http://mscezanne.blogspot.com. She might be tiny, but she's nice!

I didn't mean to forget about posting my measurements, but I did forget, and thanks for keeping me honest! I had them written down, I know accuracy counts, but I couldn't find where I'd put it, it's been busy around here.

I managed to track them down, so, without further ado:

72-68-90

Sorry for the short post, there's a lot to catch up on around here! I might get online later tonight.

Okay, it's been a little while since I posted, I apologise. But I've been busy.

It was my 31st birthday last week, and my friends just couldn't let it go by without some celebration! On my birthday itself, I was Michel and Alex's place. They stuffed me silly all night long, I could barely move, and even getting up for work the next day was as tough as any day going to work hung over.

The next two nights were spent with Char and Ian. One night we had pizza, and one night Char cooked for me (though Ian served). The second night I ate so much I really couldn't get up! Ian helped me to my car, and helped me back to my apartment. That really is a first for me. While it was a little frustrating, it was also very enjoyable.

I spent the long weekend at the cottage. I mean, where else do you go on a long weekend? The weather wasn't really all that great for swimming, but it was great weather for staying in and drinking/eating.

Friday night Thomas's cousins discovered that getting me fall down drunk in a bar isn't the best idea in the world. I'm 491+ pounds, so when I fall down, I fall down hard, and I can't really get up. At the end up the evening, we had a couple of kind gentlemen get me out of my booth and into a cab. I have no idea how I ended up in a bed, but in the morning i was very thankful for that. At this point I have to add, I haven't gotten this drunk since getting this fat, and this is one of those times that being this big is not a pleasant experience. Even in my thinner days, getting somewhere in a hurry with a hangover is a challenge. Now... well... I'm glad that Thomas's family are very understanding. It really did kill my appetite for the day, I ate a little bit here and there.

Sunday I was feeling a lot better, and was absolutely ravenous, I probably even made up for not eating on Saturday. I didn't move all that much on Sunday, which was just as well, as I'm pretty sure I couldn't have if I wanted to. I ended up sleeping on the couch, which reminded me that I should try to avoid sleeping on couches. My hips and shoulders are still feeling out of sorts from that.

Monday was a little more normal. I did deal with the pain in my hips by watching people buzz around getting the cottage ready for fall/winter. I wanted to help out, but they understood that by the time they explained what they needed me to do, and I actually did it, we were better off letting me keep an eye on everything. I actually ended up handling some official correspondence that I noticed had piled up. No one in the family seems to enjoy that, so I got that taken care of.

It was tough coming in to work today though! I've been really eating so much the past week, my body feels stuffed. It's sort of a weird feeling, it's not the same feeling as my stomach being stuffed, but rather my body itself, like some sort of overstuffed teddy bear. Just moving around, I feel like I'm softer, bigger, and less responsive. I guess it's the weight I gained, plus the lingering effects of the hangover, the pain in my joints and getting back to 'normal' after a week of indulgence. I'm really quite enjoying the feeling, I hope I can find a way to get it back again, but without the hangover.

Thomas's cousin had actually put together a few outfits for me to try on, to see if she had any idea what she was doing. Turns out, she does! She'd started out with just a tshirt and shorts for me, plus a simple blouse and slacks. She used inexpensive material because she couldn't believe how much she had to buy, and she was so sure that the clothes would be too big, but nope, she did a great job, they fit better than anything I buy in the stores. Now, they're not the greatest, they were just something she'd whipped up to ensure she was on the right track. She'll be going back and doing something more serious now.

Besides that, we had a pretty good cottage weekend. Plenty of beer, plenty of beach and, of course, plenty of food. I feel like part of the family there now, which is very nice. In fact, they've been asking when I really will become part of the family. Thomas and I haven't officially discussed it at all, I guess we haven't felt the need. Certainly with his work it's tough to plan ahead. I've been busy trying to get him to think of the future as his accountant, so getting him to think of the future as his girlfriend/wife is the next step I guess!

Oh my god, I'm so full, but I know that this is what the people want!

I just came back from Ian and Char's, and it's like coming back from the twilight zone. Ian is so much smaller than I remember, and Char is so much larger than I remember. She may weigh less than she used to, but she looks bigger, and that's compared to 550 pound Ian!

Anyway, I hopped up on Ian's scale: I'm 490 pounds now!

It's going to take sometime to digest this (both dinner and my new weight).

Enjoy.

It was a busy few weeks, but I had a lot of fun.

First, Thomas came back home to spend some time with his family. We headed out to the cottage for a few days with his family. It was a tight fit there, for the long weekend, but we all managed pretty well.

I should mention, last summer Thomas was without me in England, and he got fat (well, fat for him). Once again, spending the summer without me he's gained weight. Except this time he didn't get fat, he got buffed! He's been spending his time at the gym and holey crap he's huge! He looked really good on the beach, and mixing his newfound muscles with my new found fat was a very pleasant experience for the both of us.

We got to spend some time on the beach, we got to spend some time at the bars. I didn't feel a longing to play volleyball this year as I did last year. Maybe getting to watch Thomas play with his new physique kept me distracted. Whatever. I had fun, and didn't miss being skinny at all this time around. As always, Thomas's family was very accommodating, and I never went hungry for the whole weekend we were there. I got out into the water for some 'swimming'.

I don't get into the water as much as I should, it is a very liberating experience when you've gained a little weight like I have. You're very buoyant, you can move around a lot easier than on land. I didn't really swim, per se, just sort of headed out to where it was deep enough for me to float around. I'll get out there as much as I can for the rest of the summer I think!

After fun in the Bend, we got home, Thomas ran a few errands for me, and then we spent the rest of the time eating. With his working out, Thomas's appetite has really built up too, he doesn't eat like I do, but he's putting away a lot more than he was the last time I got to see him. It's a lot like when we were in England last year, we were both pigging out together then too. I didn't like Thomas fat, but I did like eating with him, I'm so glad that we figured out a best of both worlds approach! I also like his abs.

The flight out to Calgary wasn't TOO bad. I'm not really built for flying any more. There's a lot of standing around for security and boarding. Even though I bought two seats for the flight, sitting down isn't the problem, but getting to the seat was! We were towards the back of the plane, so I was nicely holding people up as I squeezed past all the seats. No one said anything (that I heard), but you can tell when impatient people are reaching their breaking point. The seat wasn't exactly comfortable, but Thomas and I had three to the two of us, so that was nice. Luckily the flight out was before all this terrorism crap, so I had plenty of snacks to keep me busy for the flight. Thomas and I talked for most of the flight out. Talked and snacked.

Calgary was really nice. I've never been out there, and it really is a beautiful city. I guess they're swimming in money, so there's no reason for it not to be, but Toronto's swimming in money too, and it can look like crap when they let it. We went to some bars, some museums. I'd made a few previous business appointments before heading out too. So we kept pretty busy out there.

I got to see a few of his friends that I haven't seen for a while. A couple of them I haven't seen in a couple hundred pounds, not often I get to surprise people with my gain any more, so that was a lot of fun. Also, meeting face to face with a few people I've only ever dealt with over the telephone brings its own set of shocked faces. At business lunches I do curb my appetite. Although I didn't tell the early luncher about the late luncher either ;-)

Over two weeks we kept to a modest schedule, I can't go for long walks or tours, and Thomas knows that. After an excursion we'd go back to the townhouse that Thomas has rented and he'd feed me. I've really missed spending that time with him where he fawns over me. Even though I've been eating plenty in his absence, when he's there, and the food just keeps coming, it's much more pleasurable. Not to mention getting belly rubs, all over massages from his powerful hands. And have I mentioned that tight ass of his? I could just watch that all day long, fetching me something to snack on!

Alas, the vacation did come to an end. Thomas stayed out there, I came back here. He's got some things to wrap up, I've got work to do. The plane right back was after all this BS in England, so I didn't bring any snacks. I did get so sit near the front of the plane, and got to have three seats to myself, but I was hungry and lonely for the flight! One of the stewardesses ended up talking with me when she wasn't busy. That was nice. She was actually very nice to me, she slipped me the seatbelt extender like a magician almost.

Back in Toronto I got to visit with my parents. It was a nice enough visit. I've lived alone for so long now (well, not alone, but apart from them) that it doesn't feel like going home anymore. It's like visiting friends. Oh, I know they're my family, and they'll be there if I ever need them, but I guess I haven't needed them in a long time. Part of it is my weight of course. No one bothers me about it, and maybe it's just me, but I feel that my mom wants to do something, say something, just something something about it.

Finally getting home to my own bed was nice. It was a reminder of how lonely the place is without Thomas, but the bed in his townhouse sucked, and I was terrified of breaking the rental furniture he's got out there! It's nice to be home where you can relax and know that if your fat ass breaks anything, it's your own.