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Tuesday, February 5th 2013

6:48 PM

Cooking up trouble!

  • Mood: hungry
  • Weight: not sure, but soon to find out!
  • Craving: pasta- and lots of it!
What is Amy up to these days, you might ask. One of the major things that's changed for me is that I have a whole new appreciation of cooking. As many of you know, I'm a major fast food fan, and I've certainly downed more than my fair share of pizzas and KFC in my day.  I've never really been interested in cooking at all.  I'd always have someone cook for me, whether it was Thomas or even Char, who cooked the most amazing meals!  Huge ones.  When I started living on my own again, it was so easy to pick up some burgers or order a few pizzas, you know, part of the old routine of ending work, watching some tv or movies, and basically stuffing myself silly!  I really began to crave a home cooked meal, and I had extra time on my hands.  So when my work colleague and now good friend Jill first invited me over to her place for dinner, I eagerly accepted!  I don't think she knew what was in store for her- I cleaned her out of dinner, I can tell you that much!  She didn't seem to mind though, in fact I think she took it as a huge compliment of her cooking.  And it was amazing... chicken with a delicious mushroom sauce, wild rice, asparagus, and a big gooey chocolate cake for dessert.  I couldn't get enough!  And that's when it struck me that if I want really good food and lots of it, I need to start cooking for myself. It's a lot of work, but I just take whatever I'm doing over to the kitchen table so I can sit as I chop and slice, have a beer and get ready to make some food magic happen.  Since I'm the one controlling the amount, I can make so much that I get really full and then have leftovers to snack on while I'm making dinner the next night.  Am I the only one who loves food hot and cold?  Double the pleasure...

One of the best things of cooking, and something I never thought about, is that the cook always knows exactly what's going into a dish.  I knew I would gain weight by eating as much as I could, but having control over how much butter or cream goes into my dinner, or even just knowing that I used a whole stick of butter just to cook my dinner makes me so excited. When I eat, I not only get the delicious taste and I get to fill myself until I can't take any more, but I now do so knowing everything that makes the food so rich and flavorful. And frankly, I just love handling the food. I'm up close and personal with the smells, the touch, a taste here and there... I can't believe I didn't do this earlier!  I've even baked a few cakes.  There's something about making an entire cake look so beautiful, all frosted and pretty, and knowing I'm going to eat the entire thing.  It's all for me.  Running my finger along the icing, making it all mine- it's led to some interesting evenings!

Jill says that the flip side of cooking is going out to great restaurants.  I'm game to try, but it'll be interesting to see how I fit into a fancy restaurant!
43 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Thursday, January 31st 2013

8:31 PM

Do people still read blogs?

  • Mood: reflective
  • Weight: 437
  • Craving: ice cream sundaes!
Not sure that anyone is going to read this, but I saw a reference to my blog while online the other day, and it got me thinking about how much I used to love recording my thoughts and sharing my weight gain.  I can't believe it's almost been three whole years! Sure, sometimes maintaining the blog was a chore, but I did love it.  Who knew I could be so nostalgic about a silly online blog!

I guess I should jump into what's happened in my life, though there have been some difficult changes. Thomas and I got divorced.  Don't want to go into it, but we grew apart. And surprisingly, my weight turned out to be an issue for him.  He used to love seeing me grow and how hot things got in the bedroom because of it, but he hit a point where it became too much for him, I think.  He never stopped thinking my fat was sexy and the sex was amazing up to the end, but I think he got scared at how much I love gaining, and all the work that it takes to be this size.  Anyway, that and a lot of other issues caused our end, but I moved on, and after some time alone, I have someone special in my life again!  But that's a story for another time.

After Thomas and I split, I moved out of the house and got myself another place, so I'm back in the working world again.  I have some great coworkers, and a couple of them have become good friends. But, all this change and movement has been crazy on my weight.  Needless to say, I've got a lot of ground to make up!  Upwards and onwards, I'm ready for all the great things life has to bring me!

16 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Monday, May 17th 2010

6:27 PM

I Wasn't Born Yesterday

  • Mood: Forgiving
  • Weight: 560
  • Craving: Pizza(s)

So apparently there was an Australian blog entry that mentioned my blog this last month. Given the tone of the article, I can understand how people might feel like they're being really helpful to leave a comment or two explaining their 'concern' for my health. It does seem a bit odd having people who have never met me read a write-up by someone who also doesn't know me and feel like they're entitled to shell out advice. I do appreciate the interest (my blog is public so that people can read it, after all), but I have to say that being this size quite often engenders unsolicited advice. It comes with the territory, and I've long since learned to expect it and how to handle it.


Truth is, I've been gaining off and on for about six years now. 350 pounds have gone by and I've dealt with my fair share of drawbacks, health concerns, relationship issues...if the pros didn't outweigh the cons for me, I wouldn't be doing it. And the reality is that over the years I've become all too acutely aware of what I'm buying into. Blog comments are encouraged from whatever perspective, but ultimately I'm the one who really lives my life and has (believe me) much bigger variables than that contributing to the decisions I make.


Whew. Ok. Now, with that out of the way, I can write about what I really want to talk about:


I'm finally bigger than I've ever been. It's sort of fantastic to see my body expanding farther than I've ever remembered, taking up more space and filling out my "fat" clothes from ages past. It's funny, since for the longest time I had this but-I-know-I'm-not-as-big-as-before rationale every time I'd notice my size. Perhaps it's just psychological after seeing the scale last week, but now I can actually *feel* myself being bigger. There is sort of this wonderful excitement to knowing that you're experiencing a new size that you've never been. When it takes an extra second to get out of my chair, or to get my balance, or to climb up the stairs from my office...to know that I'm experiencing these things for the first time because I'm actually this heavy for the first time. It feels...really good.


As much as Thomas isn't so much into the idea of me continuing to gain weight per se, I know that he appreciates the way it gets me going when we're intimate. Suffice it to say that the overall effect of me getting fatter has been quite the net positive for our marriage recently.


I'm finally starting to hit my stride with the eating right now too. It's taken several months, and a bit of frustration and determination, but I'm finally starting to be satisfied with what I can put down. Not only can I impress me (which is a shocker), but I've also been impressing Jay (even more of a shocker). I've been hanging out with him a lot lately to watch the hockey playoffs. I can't say I've had more fun with him than I did with Ian (Jay is a Flames fan, after all), but he sure can put down more food than I remember Ian putting down. So in that regard, he's pleasantly encouraging company!


Which, to my last point, I'm gutted that the Wings are out of the playoffs. All the disappointment has made me...well....eat!

48 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Wednesday, March 31st 2010

9:40 PM

Building Out

  • Mood: Anxious
  • Weight: 551
  • BMI: 88.9
  • Craving: Nachos
I've been trying to work this week amidst the construction of my new office. The construction guys are putting in a window in the basement for my office and the machines they're using are so loud, I can hear it all the way from my "temporary workspace" in the kitchen (which really isn't a bad spot, since its so excellently stocked!). I suppose in the end it's nice because eventually I'll be able to look out onto the garden while I'll work, and it'll be much nicer during the day inside. Also, the construction crew are my friends, we've been hanging out here and there since I moved to Calgary and they built my office back when I was working with Thomas. I've been watch hockey with them, lol.  (And Jay is about 100 pounds bigger than when I first met him... but then so am I...)

I'm starting to get back in the swing of things with eating. I can consume way more than I could a month ago, but still nowhere near what I could at my best. It's a bit disappointing I have to stop before I'm ready, but I have to be patient remind myself I'm get better. Practice makes perfect...or at least it makes you fatter, lol

Also, we're in the final stretch of hockey season. If everything goes my way, I'm going to be the leading nacho scorer by playoffs.
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Saturday, February 20th 2010

6:34 PM

Valentines Day (aka International Chocolate Eating Day)

  • Mood: Full
  • Weight: Up!
  • Craving: Mint
I love it when holidays like Valentine's day fall on a weekend.  It means I get to go shopping without feeling rushed (I got Thomas a book he's been eyeing since Christmas).  More importantly, it gives Thomas a chance to spoil me at home!

He's gotten back into his old habits, he made a huge dinner, cheeses, bread, pasta in a white sauce!  Even the salad had an extra creamy dressing.  By the time his chocolate totre was ready, I was far too full to move.  I love it when he does that to me!

Only problem is, there was so much left over.  Know that in the old days I'd have polished it off, and been left wanting more, but now... well, where did the old Amy go?  I'm sure she's in there somewhere!
11 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Tuesday, February 9th 2010

10:59 AM

The Fat Lives On

  • Mood: Super Excited
  • Weight:
  • BMI: 87.0
  • Craving: A little of this, a little of that... maybe some of the other thing... and then another of those...
It’s been almost a year since my last post.

It’s been perhaps the happiest year of my life, and I’m thankful to finally share it.

Happiness #1:  Thomas and I finally got hitched!  It was a small little ceremony with our friends and family.  Neither of us really thought we NEEDED it, we mostly did it for our families.  However, having done it, turns out we did NEED it.  It changes perspectives on life to make something official.  It was also one hell of a party!

Happiness #2:  I finished the job I was working on.  It was a short term job, mostly helping some computer geeks learn how to get along in the  world of business.  They’re really smart guys, but some things you just have to know.  They hated me at first, but now they make a living doing what they want.  That’s all the thanks I need.

So I’ve started a new job, I’m doing consulting from home.  That’s right, my very own home based business!  We adjusted a room in the basement to be my office.  It’s really nicely laid out, it’s comfortable, it’s got what I need to do my job, and most importantly, it’s got room to grow…. Which leads me to…

Happiness #3:  I’ve had some health concerns in the past.  At a recent check up they ran some new tests that weren’t available before, and either I’ve made some astonishing progress, or maybe they were just wrong.  I now have a clean bill of health.

You know what that means, don’t you?

This fat ass is finally going to get fatter…

15 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Tuesday, April 7th 2009

4:12 PM

Parting Ways,... Once Again

  • Mood: Excited
  • Weight: Haven't weighed in lately...
  • BMI: See above
I've taken a new job.

It's an executive position, the company needs some help, and I think they've got a good future, but they need help getting there!

Once again, I'm required to submit anything I publish to the board, so I'll be signing off for probably another year.

I never did get back into the habit of blogging again, and I wish I had!  I used to love it.  I still do, but just never quite got into a groove.

I'm excited about the job though.  I'm a little sad to give up my auditing position, it gave me more freedom, but I suspect I'll be back at it once I get this company turned around.

Until then, good luck everyone!

Amy

7 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Thursday, March 5th 2009

7:12 PM

The Big Swim

  • Mood: Worn out

I did my aquafit last night, first time this year!  It really wore me out, but I'm glad I did it.

The class was fun, it wasn't just old ladies and me this time, there were some younger women who were big.  No one in my weight class, but big enough I didn't feel alone!

What's more, the lifeguard running the class wasn't super tiny!  It would be a stretch to call her fat, but when I was her size, I considered myself to be fat.  She might be 140 pounds or so.  I didn't ask.

It was nice, there weren't any guys around.  I don't like it when they're watching me getting in/out of the pool.  Just a thing I guess that I hated last time.

For now I'll be doing it every other day, I could really feel it today!  It's something I need to get in the habit of, but can't over do it either!

5 Comment(s) / Post Comment

Saturday, February 28th 2009

8:50 AM

Once again into the breach

  • Mood: Determined
  • Weight:
  • BMI: 88.8
  • Craving: Would you believe salad?

The time has come once again to get serious about losing weight.  I know the main indicator of success is motivation, and I'm not sure I'll ever be completely motivated, but lately I've been thinking about it again.  I'll get back in the pool, I'll curtail my snacking, and I'll lose some weight.

With the RSP deadline upon us, I've been busy, and a little stressed.  While the stress makes me hungrier, it also kills my appetite for snacking.  It's weird, I know, but meals are bigger, but snacks are smaller, so I've been eating less.  I should be able to ride that wave of stress out for the summer.

Then we'll see where I'm at.

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Sunday, February 15th 2009

11:08 AM

Happy Valentine's Day

  • Mood: Absolutely Fantastic!

Or Valentine's + 1 I suppose.

We had a great day.  Thomas took me to a restaurant he consulted with the design on.  The food and service was great, and of course the atmosphere was perfect!

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